I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
