i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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