and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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