Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
