i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
