I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
