I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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