Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
