Your mouth is God's brothel.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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