I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
