Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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