Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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