Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
how drunk are you?
Several
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
