New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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