From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
