I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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