I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
