he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
