You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
