Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
