It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
