You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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