its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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