if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
