Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
