her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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