Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
