I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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