Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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