I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
