Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
