I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
