Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
