Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize