end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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