I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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