i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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