At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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