im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
