Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
