evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
