I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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