I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
