remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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