In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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