So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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