But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
