We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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