____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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