Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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