My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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