I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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