This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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