Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
