just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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