the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
