Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
