I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
