The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
