You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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