my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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