I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
