my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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